siblings don't apologize (except when they do)
by AtLoLevad
Summary: Ziva and Tim finally get a chance to reunite and hash out old wounds.


Ziva sits, angry and impatient, in the conference room. Her right leg bounces up and down - a new habit once controlled by her anti-anxiety pills is now left to run rampant. She had been pacing for a bit to work off her extra energy, but after a few minutes, that got old and she collapsed into one of the chairs, suddenly bone tired.

She just wants to end it, to go home, to her daughter and Tony.

But Gibbs' insistence on keeping everything above board is an unforeseen obstacle.

Of all people, Gibbs should know how she's feeling. But then again, she supposes, they really are different people after the passage of so much time.

Her outburst outside the abandoned diner eats at her. She hadn't counted on Gibbs' company on her mission, although she really should have expected that. That miscalculation is on her and the abandonment issues that had been compounded by Gibbs never checking into her death.

What was the rule?

Don't believe what you're told. Double check.

She scoffs to herself. So much for that.

The door to the conference room creaks open and Ziva jumps to her feet, immediately ready to start yelling at Gibbs. Her mouth is open, tirade at the ready, but then she sees that it's McGee stepping carefully into the room and not Gibbs.

"Oh," she lets out a soft breath and much of the fight leaves her. There's still a prickle of anger and sadness running under her skin, but even she knows she hurt Tim by leaving without a word just as much as he hurt her by never looking into her death.

Tim says nothing, strides across the room, and envelops her in a bone-crushingly tight hug. He buries his face in her hair and Ziva's paralyzed by the sudden affection. A split second later, she shakes herself out of the shock and brings her arms up around Tim's back and hugs him close. Her cheek is pressed against his suit jacket and _god_, she's missed him.

The hug goes on almost too long - a reunion that neither one seems to be in a rush to break - but they do step back from the hug after a few minutes. Tim's hands are still on Ziva's upper arms and he's looking at her like he's seen a ghost. Which, Ziva muses to herself, from his perspective, he has.

"I'm ..." he starts, shakes his head, closes his mouth. Ziva allows her lips to quirk into a small smile, even if it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"I thought you were the writer, good with words, Tim?" she teases softly.

Tim snorts and shakes his head. "Yeah," he agrees emphatically, "just not when one of my best friends comes back from the dead! I don't think there's enough words out there for this scenario, Ziva."

She tilts her head to the side, contemplating. "I suppose you're right." As much as she wants to catch up, her desire to end things with Sahar overpowers everything else and she briskly switches back to business mode. "Has Gibbs come to his senses yet? Will he let me do what I need to do?"

Ziva takes a step back, causing Tim's hands to drop to his sides. He rubs his palms up and down the fabric of his slacks and shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, Ziva. Above board, boss's orders," he reports and his tone is apologetic. But that's not enough.

Rage flashes in her eyes. "I have been away from my daughter for more than half her life!" she snaps. "I cannot be away from her for a minute longer than is necessary!"

She storms forward, angling to sidestep McGee, but he catches her wrist and stops her. Ziva's body jerks back with the loss of momentum and she whirls to glare at Tim.

"Hey, we're on your side here," Tim says calmly, even though Ziva can see the emotions churning in his eyes.

"If you were," Ziva bites out, "then you would let me do what needs to be done."

She crosses her arms stubbornly over her chest and pins McGee with a glare that, six or seven years ago, would have caused him to crack. But Ziva and Gibbs aren't the only ones who've changed with time and McGee is Senior Field Agent now and a father and knows how to stand his ground.

He narrows his eyes right back and his mouth sets in a tight line. "We're trying to help you and keeping everything above board is a benefit in the long run, Ziva." Tim's eyes soften, "We want to get you back to Tali too. Hell, I want to meet the daughter of my best friends for more than twenty minutes."

"I would like for you to meet Tali too," Ziva admits reluctantly. "But I do not understand why all of a sudden, Gibbs - the man who sanctioned multiple off the record operations - is picky with rules now."

McGee pulls out a chair and sits. Ziva remains standing - anxious to get moving and to put this behind her. She looks down at Tim expectantly. He sighs and rubs a hand over his eyes. "After you ... when we thought ... Gibbs got weird," he settles on. "He wasn't the same and I don't know, we've had cases where he'll be like the old Gibbs, but recently ..." he hesitates, wondering if Ziva knows about Pedro Hernandez. She frowns at him and McGee makes the decision to tell her even if she doesn't know. "He told us, back when Shannon and Kelly were killed, he went and -"

"Killed Pedro Hernandez, yes," Ziva interrupts him and flaps a hand in the air impatiently. "You are telling me that Gibbs is suddenly feeling guilty over a decades old crime? One that he was perfectly justified in committing."

"You knew?" McGee's mouth hangs open a little and Ziva glares at him again.

"Yes," she huffs impatiently, "and I still do not understand why this sudden guilt. Maybe then I did not understand, but now that I have Tali," her voice cracks a little, "there is _nothing_ I would not do to protect her, nothing I would not do to hurt people who have hurt her."

"I get it, Ziva, I do!" Tim protests, flattening his palms against the top of the table, "But we've got Sahar in custody. Let us do our jobs."

"Custody?" Ziva scoffs, rolling her eyes. "You do not think she knows people in high places? Federal custody will not keep her from harming my family!" She slams her palm down on the table, feeling it tremble. Her heart beats quickly and she blinks away angry tears.

Tim stands up. "We're your family too," his voice rises in pitch, "but I guess you don't care about the people you left behind." The barb is meant to hurt and it does.

"Do not speak to me about left behind," Ziva says, her voice dangerous and low. Her eyes burn from trying to hold back tears. "Did a single one of you look into my death or did you take Mossad's word for it?"

"I... we..." McGee flounders for words, knowing she's right.

Ziva gives him a tight, pained smile. "That is what I thought. So do not tell me about people being left behind. I just want to get back to Tony and Tali." She sighs and her body seems to sag under the weight of her pain. She sinks down into a chair, shoulders slumped forward.

The silence in the conference room is deafening and oppressing.

"I'm sorry, Ziva," Tim says eventually, reaching out carefully to touch the back of her hand. She doesn't pull away, which he takes as a good sign. "We should've...but the farm house was burned to a crisp and the thought of you being ... again? We... I couldn't think anything else. It was a shock. And then Orli showed up with Tali and after that it just," he shrugs a little helplessly, "it was like autopilot."

"You never even tried to look," Ziva replies quietly, a different kind of hurt overwhelming her. "After the Damocles, you looked. You found me. But this time? What was different? Was it that I left first?"

To her horror, tears escape and slide down her cheeks. Tim, bless him, doesn't draw attention to her outward display of emotion, even though he does want to pull her into another hug.

"I don't know, Ziva," he says honestly. "Yeah, of course, we were mad at you, that you left without any warning. But if you think that's enough to stop us from looking for you, if you think that we could ever be that mad, then maybe we weren't as close as I thought we were." Tim crosses his arms over his chest, the protective posture doing nothing to hide the hurt in his eyes.

Ziva swallows heavily around the lump in her throat. She hates this - hates what she's become, what she's done to her relationships. All she's ever wanted was to have a family, something that was hers and that couldn't be taken away. And all she's done is push away and hurt the people that _want_ to be there for her. H_e_r arms wrap around her stomach and she hunches in on herself a bit.

"You okay?" Tim asks, concern laced through his voice. He leans forward, like he's going to invade her personal space again, but then thinks better of it and stays where he is.

"No," Ziva says honestly, letting out a mirthless chuckle. "I just want to get back to my family, Tim."

And now, family means more than just Tali and Tony.

This time McGee does lean forward and grasps her hand. He squeezes tightly and looks up into her eyes. "We'll get you back to Tali ... and Tony," he promises. He pauses. "Do you think you would come home, when this is all over?"

Ziva hesitates to answer her friend.

Does she even have a home anymore? She thinks about Tali's curious eyes and Tony's smile and Gibbs' taciturn silences and Tim's enthusiasm and Ducky's stories and Jimmy's endearing bumbling.

Yes, a small voice in the back of her mind says, you have a home wherever the people you love are.

Ziva squeezes Tim's hand back. She gives him a tiny nod, "I...nothing has been easy these past few years. But...but I would like for Tali to know you all. I would like to be...to be ...home."

The smile that spreads across McGee's face is blinding and contagious - Ziva finds her own small smile growing.

"Good," he says emphatically. "Good. Because," he chuckles a little, "you've missed a lot and we don't want you or Tony to miss any more."

There's something about the giddy inflection in his tone that raises Ziva's suspicions. She squints at him, "What are you not telling me, McGee?"

In response, McGee slides his cell phone out of his pocket and unlocks it, pulling up a photo taken a few days ago, and sliding it in front of Ziva. She looks down at the phone, a confused furrow in between her eyes. She gasps when she realizes what she's looking at and looks up to McGee's face.

He's grinning proudly, "Johnny and Morgan. They'll be two in November."

"Oh!" Ziva gasps again, covering her mouth with one hand. "They are," her voice gets hoarse, "they are beautiful, Tim."

She taps the screen so it doesn't go black and peers at the three smiling faces. "This is Delilah, yes?" she asks, remembering the name from so long ago.

"Yeah," McGee confirms with a nod. "I think you guys would like each other. I want you to be part of our lives, Ziva. I want Johnny and Morgan to know you and Tony and Tali."

He looks at her face, even though she's still looking down at the screen of his phone.

"I know what you'd do and what you've done to protect Tony and Tali," he says seriously, not even pretending to not know that Tony's as important to Ziva as Delilah is to him - they're all long past that dance. "I'm sorry that we failed you three years ago, that you thought you had to do this alone. We should've gone along with Tony when he left for Paris to look for you, but he was so terrified, broken, I wasn't sure he was even thinking straight, let alone that he was actually right and that you were still alive."

Tears roll down Ziva's cheeks and drop onto the table. Her vision is blurred and her heart feels heavy. McGee, their Probie, has a family. It hurts her even more to know that she missed his wedding and the birth of his children. She wonders if Tony knows about the twins. He probably does - she thinks he would stay in fairly regular contact with Tim, even if she's not in regular contact with Tony.

She misses him - a bone deep ache that will only be fixed when they're back together again. When all three of them are back together again. Their reunion in Paris, as brief as it had been, only served to motivate her more. She just wants to have them back.

Something must show on her face, because McGee gently asks, "Did he ever find you? Tony."

"Briefly," Ziva admits after a long pause. "Just so he would know I was alive. But for his safety and Tali's, we could not be together."

She picks at the cuticle of her thumbnail and sighs. "I miss him," she says quietly, barely audible as if the confession is something she's ashamed of.

Tim smiles to himself - privately gloating that he recognized the connection between Tony and Ziva before they had. "After you left, he was miserable to be around," Tim confesses. "I'm sure he's doing the best he can, but I know he misses you too."

Before Ziva can respond, a thought occurs to Tim and a sudden burst of wild laughter bubbles out of him. Ziva looks at him curiously.

"Sorry!" he gasps, snorting on air. "I just realized, we're all parents! We're actual, full-blown adults with kids."

Ziva giggles a little - McGee's hysterics are contagious, even if she's not sure why he's finding this so funny. But it feels good to laugh.

"Us!" he exclaims, pointing between them, "Me, you, and Tony! Parents! You two fell asleep at a crime scene, remember that? I've fallen into fountains. Your driving is atrocious," Ziva lets out a disgruntled scoff that Tim ignores. "We're parents! We're responsible for little lives."

"It does seem surreal," Ziva admits. "Jimmy is a father too," she points out and McGee laughs harder. It's entirely possible that he's having a nervous breakdown.

"Jesus," he huffs, "I can't believe how far we've come." His laughter fades and he grows serious, "When this is all over, the kids should meet. Next generation, and all that, you know?" His expression is earnest and so reminiscent of the puppy dog look that he used to wear, back when he was a fresh recruit from FLETC. It throws Ziva back in time for a disorienting minute.

Ziva reaches out to pat his cheek - an old gesture too. "Tali is the friendliest child," she says, the familiar, Tali-related smile forming on her face, "but bossy, so I think she will love to have other, younger children to boss around."

Snorting, McGee shakes his head. "I still can't believe you and Tony have a kid."

"Sometimes, I forget too," Ziva replies, her heart clenching again at the thought of her small family.

"We'll get you back to them," McGee promises again.

"Thank you, Tim," she says sincerely, less angry than she was before, but, "I am still angry with Gibbs, with you."

Tim lifts one shoulder in a shrug, the corner of his mouth lifting a little. "That's okay. I'm still mad at you too."

Ziva lets out a startled burst of laughter at Tim's honestly. She hadn't been expecting that.

"It's what family does," he says, "they get angry and then they forgive."

He pushes away from the table and stands, reaching out for her hand. Ziva lets him take it, lets him pull her into another hug, and hugs him back.

They both need the comfort.

And everything is far from okay, far from back to normal - whatever normal is these days - but it's better and that's all they can ask for.

* * *

_A/N: yeah so the show canon is going to blow this out of the water, but this is what i wanted to write, so i did lol. not much to say other than the premiere broke me and i'm going to be a sucker for the reunions that happen in the second episode. enjoy!_


End file.
